"Old people at weddings always poke me and say "You're next." So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."   ROFLOL.

Tried taking a moon shot that day. Turned out not too bad. :)

Inspiration: Bruno Mars.

I am currently occupied. Verreyh bussay.  LOL

Finished BM folio.  D:

CNY next week!  :)

Labels: :/, depression, stress

I just realised how depressed I am.  

 ; Just figured out i can't make it for Penang Bridge Marathon this year.
   going off somewhere.  Sad weih.

 ; Exams are near. Haven't revised a single thing.

 ; Afraid I can't perform or contribute to the team during KFSPP.  
   which is two weeks away. DARN.

 ; I just realised I sing baddd. lol

 ; I've been treating some people terribly these few days.  

 ; I haven't putting God first in my life.  : Hypocrite.

 ; Not carrying out my responsibilties as i should.

 ; I HATE THAT TUMMY.  D:<

A tough cookie I am not.  I lost it somehow. 

Labels: adolescence, blah, busy, challenges, depression, disappointed, frustration, help, stress, sustain

Was looking back a some old posts. was close to tears yet again.  Nevermindforgetit.

Me and my heart we got issues.  HAHA.  that song has been stuck in my head for like, forever.  :)

Am lazy to  show my butt face for floorball trainings.  I need some encouragement!  
Penang Bridge Marathon.  Do you think 28 km could kill?

You Are My Strength. - Hillsong.

Labels: blah, depression, emo, randomness, sad

Suddenly, I don't feel like it anymore.  

Pretending it never happened.  Like how you do it best.

Get outta ma mind.

ONE more day.

Pray for what God has impressed on your heart.  

Phoenix.

Labels: adolescence, depression, emo

It's over.  Thank you.  

" But you put on quite a show, really had me going, 
now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing..

that's was quite a show, very entertaining..
but it's over now.

Go on and take that bow. "

i miss you lah.  

Labels: challenges, depression, sad, song

i am depressed. very. confused. super.  at some point i just felt like dying. but then i quickly scraped that thought away. LOL

i don't know. i feel it will end soon.  not the way i would've wanted. i've been so selfish all this while.  it's harder than i think.  i look at it now and envy them.  crap. i am sooo depressed. 

advising you guys. was so easy.  but now that i've come to the actual situation, i just screwed everything up.  what is this.  ZOE.  you-are-dead-meat.

I miss floorball already.

Labels: adolescence, blah, challenges, crap, depression, disappointed, emo, frustrated, stress

this guy is totally awesome.  go and listen to every single one of these videos.  :D  especially if you know the songs.  WHOOSHH.

Labels: :D, cool, depression, music, nice, random, songs, WHOA

what do you do when you feel like crying?

when push-ups, sit-ups and lifting dumbbells don't cure your hurt. 
and when you badly need a shoulder to cry on and it seems like no one's there.

when you've fallen down so hard and you feel as if the rest of the world has given up on you?

you smile.
"positive energy don't run in my veins no more."

Labels: depression, emo, help, sorry, unlabelled

I was afraid of failure.  

That's why I didn't do the SPIN-OFF.Until I
was forced to.

SORRYYY.  I am so weak.  ish.

i suck. 

Labels: adolescence, depression, disappointed, floorball, frustrated, HEH., sorry

I finally have to face it. sooner or later. i pick now. 

the big question is ..

IS floorball taking me away from God?  and my studies?

it's so hard to bring yourself to acknowledge that something so huge in your life is finally taking its toll on you. 

since the time i first got introduced to floorball, it's been close to half a year.  i don't know, i somehow didn't really have a flair for floorball neither did i have a liking for it immediately.  slowly, after constant urging from pei li and aso, i finally made it.  27th february was my first frontliners training.  it was awesome.  

sure.  i love 300 with all my heart.  that i cannot deny. i love the little kids. their like family.  but .. the sport?  i feel so guilty saying this but, 1). i don't htink i'll go far.  2). i've tonned down so much. not an advantage no more.  3). it's tkaing me away from the most important things in one's life.

if ever anything replaces my main love, or becomes top priority apart from God, then that thing has to go.  i say this not because i live it, because i know it's the right thing to do.  i'm not righteous, i don't have a clean record, nor am i perfect.  but the matter of fact is, God comes first.  when i die, it's not floorball i'm gonna take with me.  that's not what's gonna get me to heaven.  

truly guilty now.  HONEST.  kuan yang, if you happen to read this. i know, my bad. i don't know. i guess it was pressure?  i'm sorryyyy. i need time ot sort stuff out.  might be taking a break from floorball to get my priorities straight. 

this stinks. floorball was the main thing i had, considering i don't have a boyf and all.
but right, I DON'T KNOW NOW.  geez i failed. blah.

gotta take a breather. set things right.  if i don't have floorball, honestly speaking, i won't die.  i won't go to hell.  but if i don't have God, my creator,  how can i live a single day?

dilemma-ed. gone.  exams coming.  psshttt.  DIE. 

Labels: confused, depression, disappointed, emo, faith, floorball, frustration, God, sad

Labels: adolescence, crap, depression, disappointed, emo

Labels: crap, depression, disappointed, emo, frustrated, HEH., stuff, you.

yeah. it's almost 1 am in the morning. and i'm still on. 

crap. depression is creeping in again. ugh. 

bible camp seems so near yet so far. and i want both at once. 

baby, some tears never dry.

Labels: crap, depression, emo, frustrated

Been extremely lazy to blog. yes i have. smack me, i give you the right to. xD  

updates.

SUKPEN. was the bomb. If ya'll don't already know, we went for sukpen and represented BJ.  :D

yes, newcomers, with exceptions. li pei, boey, sonia, eureka and lisa. the rest were very new.  :)

we got into the semis, lost to innebandy and ztec (again).  so we got fourth lah.  still, which was very good?  but also cause the only other very good team in our group was ztec, and we had pei and boey. if not, we couldn't have gotten that far. 

yes, it was fantastic. met eulene and sarah there.  had a great time going crazy with them.  =]

a million thanks to chris and penny, team BJ's coaches for helping us and being there to give support and encourgement. :)

to pei li, sonia, boey, eureka and lisa. for helping to bring our team up.

to sharon, eulene, sarah and beverly for providing cheer when we were tired. 

congrats to to li pei, who got the award for being the all-star defender or something. greaaaat.  xD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

moving on..

BIBLE CAMP is like, FIVE DAYS AWAY!!  bible camp!! bible camp!!  lol.

abit high now. this year i promise you, is going to be a blast. very close, alot of bonding and FUN. i won't let anything ruin it. please no arguments again. like last year.  

GOD is gonna be with us!  I pray that He will touch every camper there. That we'll learn and grow. totally.  i can't waitttt. :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

made up my mind. FRONTLINERS it is. next year. i've gotta cut down on other activities if i'm gonna commit.  great. *cries*

just when i thought i was high and could go even higher, depression brings me down. 
seriously, i think alot of people are gonna die of depression one day.   -.-

i'm here for you man. dude, don't dieeeee. 

you try to look happy,
so that the one depressed doesn't become even more depressed.
but deep down inside, you feel exactly the same way.

Labels: BIBLE CAMP, confused, crap, depression, high-ness, whee~

Always having to be that cheerful person, when your friend needs you the most. being there for your friend. it's perfectly fine. 

but has your friend ever wondered how you feel? how hard it is to keep cheerful and give you advice?  when she has her own problems.

sometimes, being a close friend is great. and having one is fantastic. but have you ever thought about that person's own feelings?  whether she has her own problems? do you ever bother to ask?  

i'm sorry. i don't mean to be such a pathetic loser. but yeah. i feel like that right now. 

and yeah, my thoughts are in a mess right now. i'm very mixed up and not thinking very straight. forgive my unorganised post. blehh.

i am gonna die of depression one day. not suicide, like that footballer though.  :)

Labels: depression, frustrated, negativity, people, why?

i've realised, that i was a fool all along. but i kept holding it back. telling myself that it was okay. that it would all work out. but now, i've finally been able to face the fact, that well, it's just not gonna happen. i'm not good enough perhaps? and yeah, he's got someone else now. 

i tried so hard and yet, all i got was that. no response at all. but she? she doesn't even try. and yeah, it's obvious she's got him wrapped around her finger  he's into her. well?  call me pathetic and desparate. but yeah, it hurts a whole lot. i thinking he was so sweet when actually he didn't care. at all. he didn't even turn to look at me. but heh. who cares anyway?  all the girls surrounding him all the time.

his bro walking with the other girl.  so it's just him and her left. and obviously?  yeah. they spend alot of time together no doubt. but hey, what can i do right? seriously. i have no right. i just wish he could know what i'm thinking and how much hurt i feel. never once did he come and say hi these past few days. we haven't talked at all. except for prefect stuff. i don't know how much longer this is gonna last, or how much more i can take. 

yeah. i'm tyring to hide it sure. faking a smile when i'm around. i try to take my mind of things. involving myself with the form ones. it's worked so far i guess. the form ones are SUPER GREAT. they rock to bits. fun is present when we practise the sketch. :)  but yeah. when he came in, with the rest today, talking to her, i couldn't hold it back. the pain surged through my body. my mind went blank. gahh. i sound so pathetic. 

i actually miss being second best now. i want it back. i want it all back, badly. to have been through so much. it's hard to forget. i don't know why i just can't take my mind of it. just stop thinking about it. and get over it.  

haaa. now? all i can do is wait. i don't know why but yeah. i can't seem to really think about him properly without something forcing me to think of something else. doesn't make sense? heh. it's like i can't focus on anything at all.

i'm learning to forget. slowly. i'm trying to let go. to release my grip. to erase it from my memory. the fact that we were ever that close. slowly. but i'm gettiing there. baby steps zoe, baby steps. 

in school. i felt weird. like, when i tried to think of him, it was a blurred image in my mind. couldn't really make out what i was thinking. i really wasn't thinking anything, really. it was all blank. lepak-ed with nic and jezz. jezz played blues and jazz songs. we had shallow fun going nuts. when i sang to the tunes, my mind was blank. so blank. i couldn't focus. i just sang like a zombie. 

i think i know what i'm feeling. i'm feeling NUMB. yes, it describes the feeling so well. i can't feel anything. cause i'm too numb. it's like i'm immune. seeing them together doesn't hurt me anymore. i don't even feel anything looking at them, even if i wanted to. numb. the feeliing's weird, and scary. but i can't stop myself, hey?

yupp, long post. *sighs*  but i poured out what i felt. if i did feel anything. yeah. don't ask. i'm not okay. faking smiles is what's going on. so you guys won't ask or know. burst out laughing in the prefect's room today. ran out, then i immediately stopped. i didn't feel anything, really. wanted to cry, but no tears came out. what is wrong? gahh. this is piercing. i don't like it. 

-get a life-

Labels: depression, emo, frustrated, sad

ahh, i can't find my BC2008 booklet. dumb rite? HAH. owh well. *sigh*

i miss bible camp so much. a whole week of messages, caring and super fun people, FOOD, games, fellowship, getting closer to GOD, madness, walks on the beach and AWESOMENESS. 

BC08 was the bomb. really, i miss all the messages..
the waking up early in the morning..
sitting on the cold cold floor outside to do devotion..
the games on the beach..
the ice-creams we had..
the group devotions and night games..
the brain-storming..
the late nights we stayed up to talk ( without getting caught :D )
the many fights and quarrels we had and how in the end they actually brought us closer together.
i miss the three monkeys: meng meng, jezron and kels..
i miss poking big bro in the stomach.. *smirks*
i miss rachel chan, my bed partner. waking up everyday and going to bed everyday knowing that you're gona have fun in bed. HAHA. yes dirty, our inside joke. :D

the fun, the laughter, the arguments, the nuttyness. ALL OF IT. i want it back, badly.

i can't wait for bible camp this year. yeah i know alot of the zion-ians ain't coming. they've go thteir own plans. and i'm saying anything about it. every year, i wish the same group people will come back and be in my group. but i know it's not gonna be that way. And, after the first day, i normally get new friends, grow closer to the few who came back, and know i was just being shallow. but heh, it WOULD be awesome for everyone to come back some time. 

meng, adrian and kels aint coming this year. saddening. i miss meng and jez so much. like, dude, they totally ROCKED. our two lovable eunuchs. imma go kacau them right after the big exam. =)  jezron with his  " chill lah weii.. CHILL CHILL! "  x)

i miss: edith my drunk partner in crime. rachel chan the queen and very much loved bed partner. emmilyn darling, the times we had together. shuanggie babe. melanie ann our big sis, who would do so much for the group. rachel tee *hugs a million*

december 2008 was a great month. will it be the same this year? nostalgia consumes me. 

bible campers, i love you guys. zion-ians, don't ever break that bond we have. williammmm!!! nyahahah..

*farts original. (:

 
JEZRON ~ much loved dude of the group. natalia's original. :)
sam lee ~ the awesome musicman-bigbro
MENG~ very much loved brother
melanie ~ the motherly big sis
the gurls ~ much loved and missed. *hugs a trillion*

Labels: bible camp 08, depression, lovess, nostalgia, sad, stuff

i don't like what you do to me. bringing me down. NO. sorry for ignoring you, but yeah. thanks neways. HEH.

PMR in 5 days. currently on HIATUS. (duhh)   :]

EMO-ed. MAD. feeling STUPID. distant from GOD. stressed. owh well, *shrugs* pry for me yeah? PMRRRRR. :D  

birthday posts and tributes / wishes, after the big exam. sorry lah. my fault i know. =]

who ever you are, *huggs*. i needed that. =D

Labels: crap, depression, hiatus, stuff

#50..

meh. Kris Allen's new song with The Script is cool. :D  'live like we're dying'. yes blame me, i just heard it. i am officially emo. but who cares? heh. 

yes, it is my 50th post for this blog. what have I achieved? am I pleasing GOD? i think not. *sigh*  GOD, help me, please.

yeah. i should be studying now, but what? i am on the net. yes i am. shoot. grr.

i'm hurt pfft. some friends I have. Sureee. yes, it's your fault,  Jeff. haha.

Zoe ish a random-chubby-irritating/annoying-whiny-careless-lame-tub of lard-ish-PIG. yes. and i don't care. 

yesss, i can go on saturday for the GLO graduation thingy. hope to see the loves people. 

'til whenever.

Labels: depression, disappointed, emo, frustrated, HEH., pfft

so i ish here to tell u that i shant be on9 for sum time. miss me? hahh. i know u will. *perasan betui*  wadever lah. i'm gona be boreeddd. grr. 

i have stuff to blog abt. but no mood or time. =) so sue me lah all u want. hahaha..

* BLEESED BIRTHDAY STEPHEN AND EULENE! 

i mau pi car washhh. =.=

Labels: depression, stuff