i am depressed. very. confused. super. at some point i just felt like dying. but then i quickly scraped that thought away. LOL
i don't know. i feel it will end soon. not the way i would've wanted. i've been so selfish all this while. it's harder than i think. i look at it now and envy them. crap. i am sooo depressed.
advising you guys. was so easy. but now that i've come to the actual situation, i just screwed everything up. what is this. ZOE. you-are-dead-meat.
I miss floorball already.
Labels: adolescence, blah, challenges, crap, depression, disappointed, emo, frustrated, stress
I was afraid of failure.
That's why I didn't do the SPIN-OFF.Until I
was forced to.
SORRYYY. I am so weak. ish.
i suck.
Labels: adolescence, depression, disappointed, floorball, frustrated, HEH., sorry
Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
'Cause it's OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like
Wouldn't you
What it feels like for a girl
Silky smooth
Lips as sweet as candy, baby
Tight blue jeans
Skin that shows in patches
Strong inside but you don't know it
Good little girls they never show it
When you open up your mouth to speak
Could you be a little weak
Do you know what it feels like for a girl
Do you know what it feels like in this world
For a girl
Hair that twirls on finger tips so gently, baby
Hands that rest on jutting hips repenting
Hurt that's not supposed to show
And tears that fall when no one knows
When you're trying hard to be your best
Could you be a little less
Do you know what it feels like for a girl
Do you know what it feels like in this world
What it feels like for a girl
Strong inside but you don't know it
Good little girls they never show it
When you open up your mouth to speak
Could you be a little weak
Do you know what it feels like for a girl
Do you know what it feels like in this world
For a girl
In this world
Do you know
Do you know
Do you know what it feels like for a girl
What it feels like in this world
I almost cried listening to glee's version of this. sorry.
ily, babe.
Labels: confused, emo, frustrated, sad, song, stuff
" my best friend's a total jerk. "
that's what she's probably thinking right now. heh. i'm sorry.
u wanna be mad about it okay fine. it was my fault anyway.
Labels: adolescence, disappointed, emo, frustrated, mad, sad
I have no cookies or hugs. So don't like me. What a great way to end 2009.
Labels: crap, depression, disappointed, emo, frustrated, HEH., stuff, you.
yeah. it's almost 1 am in the morning. and i'm still on.
crap. depression is creeping in again. ugh.
bible camp seems so near yet so far. and i want both at once.
baby, some tears never dry.
Labels: crap, depression, emo, frustrated
Always having to be that cheerful person, when your friend needs you the most. being there for your friend. it's perfectly fine.
but has your friend ever wondered how you feel? how hard it is to keep cheerful and give you advice? when she has her own problems.
sometimes, being a close friend is great. and having one is fantastic. but have you ever thought about that person's own feelings? whether she has her own problems? do you ever bother to ask?
i'm sorry. i don't mean to be such a pathetic loser. but yeah. i feel like that right now.
and yeah, my thoughts are in a mess right now. i'm very mixed up and not thinking very straight. forgive my unorganised post. blehh.
i am gonna die of depression one day. not suicide, like that footballer though. :)
Labels: depression, frustrated, negativity, people, why?
Labels: confused, crap, frustrated, mad, pictures, why?
i've realised, that i was a fool all along. but i kept holding it back. telling myself that it was okay. that it would all work out. but now, i've finally been able to face the fact, that well, it's just not gonna happen. i'm not good enough perhaps? and yeah, he's got someone else now.
i tried so hard and yet, all i got was that. no response at all. but she? she doesn't even try. and yeah, it's obvious she's got him wrapped around her finger he's into her. well? call me pathetic and desparate. but yeah, it hurts a whole lot. i thinking he was so sweet when actually he didn't care. at all. he didn't even turn to look at me. but heh. who cares anyway? all the girls surrounding him all the time.
his bro walking with the other girl. so it's just him and her left. and obviously? yeah. they spend alot of time together no doubt. but hey, what can i do right? seriously. i have no right. i just wish he could know what i'm thinking and how much hurt i feel. never once did he come and say hi these past few days. we haven't talked at all. except for prefect stuff. i don't know how much longer this is gonna last, or how much more i can take.
yeah. i'm tyring to hide it sure. faking a smile when i'm around. i try to take my mind of things. involving myself with the form ones. it's worked so far i guess. the form ones are SUPER GREAT. they rock to bits. fun is present when we practise the sketch. :) but yeah. when he came in, with the rest today, talking to her, i couldn't hold it back. the pain surged through my body. my mind went blank. gahh. i sound so pathetic.
i actually miss being second best now. i want it back. i want it all back, badly. to have been through so much. it's hard to forget. i don't know why i just can't take my mind of it. just stop thinking about it. and get over it.
haaa. now? all i can do is wait. i don't know why but yeah. i can't seem to really think about him properly without something forcing me to think of something else. doesn't make sense? heh. it's like i can't focus on anything at all.
i'm learning to forget. slowly. i'm trying to let go. to release my grip. to erase it from my memory. the fact that we were ever that close. slowly. but i'm gettiing there. baby steps zoe, baby steps.
in school. i felt weird. like, when i tried to think of him, it was a blurred image in my mind. couldn't really make out what i was thinking. i really wasn't thinking anything, really. it was all blank. lepak-ed with nic and jezz. jezz played blues and jazz songs. we had shallow fun going nuts. when i sang to the tunes, my mind was blank. so blank. i couldn't focus. i just sang like a zombie.
i think i know what i'm feeling. i'm feeling NUMB. yes, it describes the feeling so well. i can't feel anything. cause i'm too numb. it's like i'm immune. seeing them together doesn't hurt me anymore. i don't even feel anything looking at them, even if i wanted to. numb. the feeliing's weird, and scary. but i can't stop myself, hey?
yupp, long post. *sighs* but i poured out what i felt. if i did feel anything. yeah. don't ask. i'm not okay. faking smiles is what's going on. so you guys won't ask or know. burst out laughing in the prefect's room today. ran out, then i immediately stopped. i didn't feel anything, really. wanted to cry, but no tears came out. what is wrong? gahh. this is piercing. i don't like it.
-get a life-
Labels: depression, emo, frustrated, sad
#50..
meh. Kris Allen's new song with The Script is cool. :D 'live like we're dying'. yes blame me, i just heard it. i am officially emo. but who cares? heh.
yes, it is my 50th post for this blog. what have I achieved? am I pleasing GOD? i think not. *sigh* GOD, help me, please.
yeah. i should be studying now, but what? i am on the net. yes i am. shoot. grr.
i'm hurt pfft. some friends I have. Sureee. yes, it's your fault, Jeff. haha.
Zoe ish a random-chubby-irritating/annoying-whiny-careless-lame-tub of lard-ish-PIG. yes. and i don't care.
yesss, i can go on saturday for the GLO graduation thingy. hope to see the loves people.
'til whenever.
Labels: depression, disappointed, emo, frustrated, HEH., pfft
so not the best week ever..
i'm in the depths of depression. greaaattt. well, there's a time to be happy, a time to be sad. and u knoe wad? i'm sad. a time of mourning. i can't believe it. i dont think it's just hormones. it's for real. owh crap, i knoe, u guys are so not gona want to read some gurl's emo post abt nothing. but yeah, leave then.
i'm sori mommy. shing, i nvr felt that way towrds u. and i hope u dont too. ur choice, hu u wana listen to.
you. i love u. ALOT.
yean, yah. so i'll leave? mehh. wadeverrr.. NOT pms lahh..
deborah, i love u too!. u knoe that. don ever think otherwise.
ah tin, i missed u. T.T
y does everyone think i hate them? that i dont love them? is going around prancing like a monkey telling ppl i love them in the face not enuf? is hugging almost anyone i c and telling them that i care for them not enuf? wad isit then? i dunno. hun, thanks for ur support..
i knoeeee. emo not gud. emmie said don emo. but i cant mengelak. exam stress. =.=''
Psalm 91
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the LORD, who is my refuge—
then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all yourways;
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
Because he loves me, says the LORD, I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honour him.
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation
GOD i surrender all i have to u.
i will praise u in this storm,
and i will lift my hands,
u are hu u are, no matter whr i am..
and every tear i've cried, u hold in ur hands,
nvr left my side, and tho my heart is torn..
i will praise u in this storm...
Labels: depression, emo, frustrated, sad
i'm hurting inside. for there's a time for everything. and now, a time to mourn..
coz i be zoe..
Labels: depression, frustrated, sad
