Start Again ; Sam Tsui.
I guess you never really were there in the first place.
You’re still holding a broken heart,
but if you let me in, Baby, you can start again.
And don’t go telling me there’s no second chance,
You’ll understand when you take my hand,
Baby let me in, I promise we will start again.”
Yes, I probably have too many accounts. Facebook, blogger, twitter, tumblr, msn etc.
God's agape love is the greatest love of all.
Labels: (:, birthdays, emo, God, love, song, valentines day
Labels: (:, emo, love, song, trust, unlabelled
.. i messed up my mid-year exam papers. blehh.
.. i got to know new people.
- i love NATASHA NEOH my squishy love. :D she is like the sister i never had. ahah. and we bully each other. WE ROCK. you amuse meeeee. *sayangs.
- DON SHAKIR the don. lol. DRAGON DON. the ever random dude that never fails to cheer me up. *knees.
- SOMEONE. i don't know. but i love you. =)
.. i lost my memory cards. so i'm starved of using the camera. o.o can die weih. i miss vaining. xD
.. i got alot of cool stuff. lame but cool. i wish i could post it up here.
... i felt like playing floorball. no, actually that one everyday. not just recently. LOL
.. i am gonna go on a strict diet. again. blahh.
burnt out.
Labels: busy, confused, exams, friends, love, lovess, people, random, stress, tired
Letting go is not easy.
it never was...
it's not just giving up cause you lost.
;giving up.
whatever happened to we'll never be apart?
I feel so heartless. :D
Labels: love, missing, people, randomness
Honestly, I gotta admit, that I SUPER LOVE FLOORBALL NOW. all this time, I've been waiting for this. For this unquenchable thirst and hunger for the game.
But, this craze is partially due to the awesome people in floorball lah. i gotta tell you that
the FLOORBALL FAMILY IS AWESOME!
So to those in floorball, i wanna thank you guys for making it such an amazing and meaningful sport to me. :D
To Team BEE-JAY.
to coaches chris and penny, to our ajk tertinggi, to the fantastic people in team bj, you guys are GREAT. our aim is GOLD!
To Team Frontliners 300.
The AWESOME-EST TEAM EVER. i love you guys loads. especially all the kids. :)
thank you sonia and tania for always being there to give support to me. :D
most importantly, i wanna thank jason lepak chan and pei li kew for guiding me every step of the way. and for all your faith in me. =)
and to coach ky, for being the great coach he is. (:
Thank You, God.
Labels: :D, awesomeness, bee-jay, floorball, frontliners, hope, love, people, pride
I admit, it wasn't all that easy. and, nope, i don't see any gold there.
Labels: :D, awesomeness, captainball, floorball, love, pride, whee~
kew: " you were very quiet that day. "
zoe: " so.. really? i was thinking mah. "
kew: *grins and smiles* " yalah. you normally talk ALOT mah. "
zoe: " yeah i normally talk alot. cannot think and talk mah. *pauses and gasps* so that means i don't think when i talk. (which means i don think most of the time. since i talk alot) xD "
kew: *LOL*
ah pei li. she thinks i crap alot. uh, which i do. :D
moving on... i have been going to 4 arif for three weeks. or so. and yeah, there's pain. duh. it's obviously not what i would have wanted, not going my way. and that makes me down so much of the time.
but you know what? it's all going away. God has helped. alot. i've learned to be more hardworking. xD ( i actually do homework nowadays.) i've learnt to enjoy nureen and nina more. before they leave. i still talk to hari like the good times.
what worries me is when nina and nureen are gone. i guess i could mix with the girls and all, but it wouldnt be the same. i'd feel unwanted. not-in-the-gang. it's just, they have their stuff to talk about. and like, i'm not part of the gang. hey, obviously, you don't want some girl barging in your privacy just coz her friends left for boarding school right?
not that i don't talk to them now, but it's just not the same anymore. i wish eulene and the form fives were in my form. :(
okay. so for those title readers, you be wondering what it's all about. i've sort of pondered. last year, it was fun, thrilling, full of ups and downs. the time i spent with that somebody, it was satisfying. but i never really questioned myself, what would happen when it all ends?
it's all coming now, and i can feel it. distance. barriers. we don't even talk anymore. it's like he never cared. never cares. HAH. i know, my fault for getting involved. the pain and hurt after the joy. i don't want that anymore. not after another broken relationship. i've experienced enough of those. and yes, being the long-winded me. i've FINALLY come to my conclusion.
6 months.
yup, i can do that for six months. i'm not gonna get my feelings involved. no BGR for that period of time. EASY, no? hahah. at least 6 months is my goal lah. it'll save me from heartache, wasting time and energy and i can concentrate on homework. xD (homework has got to be my favourite thing to do now) :D
now you may say, aiyah. six months only wad, it's not like u get a boy knocking at your door everyday begging you to be his gf right? WRONG. lol. what i mean is not liking anybody, eros way. not even thinking about getting involved. girls spend way too much time on this. at least i did? x]
so that's it. my resolution for the time being. SIX months whole. no lovey-dovey. i doubt i'll live to regret it. =)
i have school tomorrow. :O tuesday floorball training with miss kew. weds maybe floorball training for seniors. and friday, for the juniors. i have syahbandar on wednesdayyy. :( i don't like house practice. hahah.
i love yoghurt. PEACH and MANGO flavour. strawberry is getting too common.
none but Jesus ; brooke fraser.
Labels: adolescence, floorball, funny, growing up, love, school, stuff, unlabelled
Blessed belated new year? *grins sheepishly*
yeah yeah.. i know lah abit very late. been busy mah. :P
so i'm a year older already. that's what january babies get. aww sad, no? we grow old so fast. *shakes head in disapproval* TSK.
i did get alot of birthday wishes though. x]
THANK YOU to those who remembered. :D presents?
the first week of school was FUN. it was. orientation with the form ones was exciting, tiring and challenging. :) but still FUN. xD
so i sorta kicked of the year with:-
- prefects.
- vice pres. of st. john's.
- secretary of music club.
- ajk for floorball.
no i'm not bragging. it's alot of work seriously.
owh, and not forgetting, a whole lot of stress from and FLOORBALL. xD
i had talks with jason and pei li. frontliners it is. i don't know how many times i've said that, but this time's for real. =]
CF. first meeting of the year's tomorrow. God bless the meeting i pray. (:
honestly, my walk with God at just the beginning of the year hasn't been what i would have wanted. the fire keeps growing so dim at times and i start to wonder, what kind of christian am i if i'm not spending time with my creator?
ming hwee asked me the question, " do i have a heart for souls? "
i hesitated before answering. do i really have a heart for souls?
maybe i do. on the surface. thinking about it all, it's opened my eyes. looking at some of my best friends, spending such wonderful momments with them. isn't this what i want in heaven? aren't these the people that mean so much to me? wouldn't i want the best for them? would i want to see them suffer next time? for eternity?
the answer is no. i want my grandparents saved. my bestfriends. even people i don't know. sometimes, my heart aches when i see peole who claim to be christians not living the way they should. and i don't have the right to judge, but i question their salvation sometimes. i really do.
having said that, i check myself. wadabout me? am i living the way i ought to? as a free person not under the bondage of sin anymore? is this liberty too much for me to handle?
"my chains are gone. i've been set free. my God my saviour, has ransomed me.
and like a flood, His mercy rains, unending love, amazing grace. "
so what is my response to this great love? this agape love?
i'm trying slowly, to change. to spend time with God. to listen to Him.
- work has been piling up. homework that is. x] ahh!
a few things i dislike.
- the top part of the floorball stick coming off when you play. annoying weih. xD
- getting demoralised by pei. thanks to my big mouth. (:
- having no mood to play floorball or captainball. like NO WAY. :O yes, it does happen.
i just discovered that i'm best at midfielding. for most games. i'm normally centre or midfield. not usually forward. (defending is a nono because i'm too short. xD )
yeah. 'cuz i can't score. hahah. i mean, i shoot direct balls. and being short is not an advantage when i score that way. they prefer lob balls. which, i'm terrible at.
why? coz i hate lobbing balls. xD partly cuz i can't. haha. they just too slow for me. =D direct balls - my best play.
yes, excuses. x)
okay, enough about games. xD
i have stuff to post, recent one-liners i had. shall post them up another day. BAHAH. you know i never seem to be able to post what i say i will. :D
school tomorrow! cf & floorball! and chem, bio, physics and add maths on the same day. HOW COOL IS THAT?
Labels: :) hepi, challenges, change, God, Jesus, love, new year, skool?, stress, updates
she knew he was starting off the run with his brother and good friend. she knew that the friend could not keep up with him and that his brother would be with the girlfriend. she knew that he could take care of himself and run fast enough. she knew he could finish the marathon well in time. she knew he would do his best. she knew he could do it all.
being considerably tired, she forced herself to stay awake and fresh to make sure she could see her friends finish that marathon. she forced herself to walk all the way back to the starting point to look for them. to wish them all the best. having walked and stood almost the whole night, she pushed herself past the hundreds of people to the starting point. she searched in the crowd. all those green shirts. although she didn't think she would stand a chance of finding them, she forced herself to screen through all of the people. but she missed them. by the time they realised she had been searching for them, she was a long way of.
being quite dissapointed with the fact that she could not give them some encouragment before the run, she stationed herself in the middle of the lanes and looked at every participant that started running once that race started. her heart pounded against her chest as she thought about shouting out his name when she saw him. but no, she didn't see him. feeling dissapointed and down, she was determined to see him nearing the finish line and shouting his name then, just like how she had done for the others.
she walked up and down the whole finishing lane five times or more non-stop. just hoping to see his face. and to even just be able to see him running and giving his best. she saw his brother, running with all his yeng-ness. she saw a many guys with green shirts running their hearts out towards the finish line. but where was he? it was already 45 minutes or so into the race. he couldn't have taken that long to cover that specific distance. she thought that maybe he had waited for the friend. or maybe he had a cramp. maybe the cramp that he already had was worse? she worried. she worried alot.
imagining the scene when he would be brought in by a stretcher to the finishing line. or in an ambulance. she paced faster and faster back and forth. by this time she had made seven or eight rounds back and forth to the traffic light. she still hadn't seen him. he couldn't have taken that long. she knew how he ran. she worried for his safety. she prayed to God to keep him safe. her eyes were swollen and her face puffy from lack of sleep. she still trudged on looking at every quarter marathoner with a hope of seeing him finish the race well.
an hour into the race, she felt so weak on the inside. as if she couldn't continue looking for him. she wanted so much to sit down by the pavement and rest her body. but her love for him drove her back and forth. just to check and see that he was okay. she felt like crying inside. if he had really been carried in an ambulance to the finishing line, she would have cried her heart out there and then. but she held back. she forced herself to stay strong.
but by God's grace she saw his friend. she ran to meet him, and asked whether the friend had seen him. thankfully, he replied that he had seen him a few momments ago walking away from the finishing line, which meant that he had completed the race and was away from where they were. she felt a surge of relief pass through her body and almost collapsed. but she held herself steady and the both of them went to look for him.
a few minutes later, they saw him. the first time she saw him, she almost didn't catch her breath. he looked so good to her, the way he always was. in his shirt with his sleeves rolled up. her heart melted at the sight, but quickly hardened up again. he started talking to the friend looking at her occaisionally but not uttering a single word to her. she held her feelings back, smiled and nodded. his brother went to give encouragement and support to his girlfriend while the three of them wondered to the drinks tent. as she walked, she knew it wasn't the same. it wasn't back to normal yet. she knew it would never be.
they went around asking who had seen who during the race. and no one had happened to see him. she told him that she had worried since she hadn't seen any sign of him, only his brother. he didn't even bother to reply. he looked away and started to ask his friend whether he had seen his brother during the race. when his brother came to join them with the girlf, again they asked the same question. true, nobody had noticed him during the race, only his brother. his brother agreeing that he had seen her too. again she said that she had been really worried about him since everyone she asked had not seen him throughout the race.
the five of them walked together in a group for some time, talking about the marathon and the events happenening around them. never once did he return to that topic or even bother to say it was okay and that she didn't have to worry because he could take care of himself. no, she wasn't expecting him to say any of those, but just a simple 'thank you' or 'it's okay' wouldn't have hurt her at all. but none came out from him.
soon, they separated and the girls went to find their other two friends. and that was the end. she never got to say goodbye to him. she didn't feel like doing so anyway. she was hurt.
she really didn't want to feel that way. she was frustrated at herself for being concerned for him. she knew he would be able to take care of himself. why did she even bother? why did she feel so uneasy when she didn't see him during the marathon? why did she show a sense of worry? why why whyy? she asked herself that question over and over again the whole day. but she never really got an answer.
the truth was, that she still cared for him. it was pretty obvious to her right now, and she couldn't hide from that fact any longer. no matter what, it was as if the feeling was automatic. she couldn't help but care and be concerned for him. she worried for his safety. she thought it was over. but when she hadn't seen him on that lane, she immediately felt as if something was wrong. she couldn't not feel that way even if she had wanted to. she guessed that well, she had gotten too close. too tied up. her feelings were in a mess.
so even if he didn't care for her, she still would for him. she would silently keep this feeling to herself, portraying it with acts of kindness shown towards him. although she knew that what she did would never be repaid or be replied in the same way, she would press on and give her best for the one she loved. no matter how much it hurt. she would take it all, until that feeling, went away..
what hurts the most, is being so close, and having so much to say..
but watching you walk away..
and never knowing, what could've been..
-what hurts the most. rascal flatts-
i'm sorry. silently, i shall try..
