Thursday, June 25, 2015
Unbelievable, Unimaginable, Unfathomable; This Love.
When you hear for the first time someone else saying that he loves you (romantically), and your little heart cannot believe it. You slowly learn to accept it, but it still hits you hard each time you think about it. Like there's a mental wall, because it just seems impossible for someone else so lovely to say that they love you.
And it's unbelievable. It's amazing and you just can't imagine how or why God would provide you with so many more blessings such as these on top of His gracious salvation.
I always thought that I wasn't up to other people's standards, always looking for approval, never thinking that I could be accepted and loved for who I was, no make-up, no airs, no performances.
I tried so hard to push him away, because I was afraid of getting hurt again after my past experiences. I was so afraid to love again because there was always this doubt and fear that he would leave me just as the others did.
And tested him I did. So many times I realised I was making up excuses, daring him to leave me because I couldn't bear it if he did so voluntarily.
But he never left me.
Each time I asked him about whether he truly loved me (jokingly or not), his answer was always that he would choose to love me. And it took some time for me to understand and grasp this amazing concept, whose author is none other that our almighty and loving God. :)
When I finally understood and broke, something in me clicked and my will to reject the love given snapped.
I allowed all the feelings to overwhelm me, I allowed myself to feel again.
I became vulnerable, I loved back with my heart and my mind and I opened myself up to hurt and pain and the possibility of abandonment.
It hasn't been easy, but my love (emotionally and mentally) has been growing ever since.
I'm so glad that you chose me before, and that you continue to choose me, day after day.
I look forward to marrying you and continuing to choose you, just as you choose me. :)
I love you, Pumpkin! :)
GOD is in control, 1:26 AM.
