"We took a hit, but we came out stronger than before."

Cheesy aglio olio with chicken breast, herbs and runny egg yolk. :)

Too much bacon! REALLY.

Coffee time at home!

Cheesy salmon with herbs. :)

Let it go.

Taken during our Engage KL team hangout at Bienalle Sydney '14.

Disappointment?

Rainy conditions, muddy fields, slips and misses, slides and drops.

It was an experience.

This has been an extremely tough past few days. The hits taken were bigger than I thought.

Waves of disappointment, doubts, depression and longing keep washing over me.

The LORD is my only hope.

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GOD is in control, 11:29 AM.

Am I stressed? Yes, I am.

Really? Nahh. I bet they're just like: mehhh.

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GOD is in control, 1:43 PM.

"An Uncle and Aunty that sit in the trishaw puller stance together, stay together."

(What with one of their legs up on their chairs)

Really?

This was about a week ago. A few hours before church camp, and right after Sarah's birthday celebration.

...

I'm so tired now. Inter Varsity Games tomorrow!

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GOD is in control, 12:02 AM.

Update coming soon.

I hope.

HAHA

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GOD is in control, 11:44 PM.

I think it isn't uncommon for many people, females especially to struggle with the issue of singleness. And guess what?
That's ok.

Was talking to Chew Chern about this topic during camp.

Like how Christian women can look at couples in church and wonder when or whether they will ever be able to experience the same thing. The feeling of being loved romantically, of having the other half to always go to and discharge, release their emotions; and more than that - to love, serve and care for in the Lord.

"Although I am aware of the troubles that come with marriage, I still wish I had that one person I could lovingly scrub the toilet for."

Someone mentioned that. And I agree wholeheartedly.

Maybe it's just me, but I would love to have someone I could go through life with. That I would love fully and feel secure with. This is of course, in a romantic context.

It is important to realise that no human being can ever fill that hole in anyone's heart. That void that has been there since before we were born. Because we as created beings were made to fulfill our purpose: To glorfiy God, to live for Him and Him alone. Therefore, Jesus is the only person (the only full man and full God) that can fulfill our 'hunger' and longing for something bigger.

Having said that, I'm starting to look at being in a relationship in a different light now.
It is a big commitment. But ah, it is also a great joy.

Hm, I think I'll just stick my awesome guy friends for now. These past few days during the mid-semester holiday after church camp have been wonderfully spent at RJ, John, Dan Leong and Ian's house. :)

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GOD is in control, 4:35 PM.

"Who else has ever done this?"

Yeah, I have. And I got shot down for it.

No, I'm still hurt about it.

But it doesn't matter.

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GOD is in control, 3:02 PM.

Hobo me on the couches of our house.

T___________T

Exam tonight. Freaking out cause I'm so worried and I can't think anymore.

Can't even taste my food. :/

So worried man. So, so worried. :|

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GOD is in control, 11:58 AM.

Oh, I'm a wandering soul

I'm still walking the line that leads me home

Alone

All I know

I still got mountain to climb

On my own

Do you love me enough to let me go?

To let me follow through

To let me fall for you, my love

Do you love me enough to let me go?

Back from the dead of winter

Back from the dead and all our leaves are dry

You're so beautiful tonight

(Do you love me enough to let me go?)

Back from the dead we went through

Back from the dead and both our tongues are tied

You look beautiful tonight

(Do you love me enough to let me go?)

But every seed dies before it grows

Do you love me enough to let me go?

To let me follow through

To let me fall for you, my love

Do you love me enough to let me go?

Breathe it in

And let it go

Every breath you take is not yours to own

It's not yours to hold

Do you love me enough to let me go?

To let me follow through

To let me fall for you, my love

Do you love me enough to let me go?

"Jon Foreman- "This one started with the guitar hook I came up with during sound-check; however, most of the song took shape in a hotel room in Australia. I was thinking about how love (not just lust or codependency that commonly flood the tunes on the airways) actually involves quite a bit of faith. There's a lot of letting go involved. Two souls in love is an intricate dance of give and take. I can be a fairly solitary person from time to time. Sure, I love being with people, but I also need time alone. I guess I thrive on the poles. So this song is about the dance involved in a relationship the coming together and letting go. The song equates love with breathing- pulling in and releasing. Or a seed, for the seed to grow it has to be dropped and buried.

In our barcode media, love is often portrayed as consumption. As consumers in a commercial driven culture we can begin to view other souls as objects, or potential cures for our deepest fears and insecurities. "Perhaps if I found the right lover I would no longer feel this deep existential despair." But of course no human soul could be the Constant Other, the face that will never go away. Only the infinite can fill that role. But the silence can be deafening. It's a fearful thing to be alone. Do you love me enough to let me go? "I can't live without you"- "I would die if you ever left me"- These are not the songs of love, these are the songs of consumption.""

I.. I love you enough to let you go.

I'm learning to trust God. Like Jon Foreman said, everyone needs to be alone some time. I'm giving you your space. I'm allowing you to breathe. I'm having faith that you may or may not come back to me, but ultimately God has it all planned out and has it in His control. :)

"To let me follow through, to let me fall for you."

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GOD is in control, 4:31 PM.

Healthy food...

Mixed vege.

Fatfree yoghurt and muesli yummmm.

Not so healthy food...

^ Batter from super sugar-lacking cupcakes I made. :)

So.. quite healty also lah :p

My 'Lo Gong' Qiu Ning bought me this lovely Pistachio cake from Sweet Spot!

Super sweet man. (Both the cake and her :D)

Thank you!

More, not so healthy food..

Melted Cheese Breakfast! With bacon, avocado and a lot of yummy cheese on sourdough bread. Super loving this.

Salmon Benedict. Eugene's. Also pretty tasty and good for the price.

Sarah's Chocolate French Toast. Super sweet and yummy. REALLY GOOD. (Y)

Tim's Chorizo. Tasted wonderful too. Like Western Lap Cheong (If you know what I mean hehe)

So basically on Saturday, the gang had another little cafe experience.

We chose Isabella's just cause it's cheaper than the other cafes around Randwick and the portions are super generous and the food tastes good.

Not to mention, the five of us went to Isabella's for breakfast last semester before our two day road trip to Canberra. Yes, the five of us: Sarah, Eugene, Brandon, Tim and myself.

So this time we decided to 'sort of' relive that memory (but without Bran. YOU KNOW HOW SAD THIS MAKES ME FEEL THINKING ABOUT IT. OKAY NEVERMIND MOVING ON).

Selfie of the four of us. :)

Lovely company, I must say.

Selfie selfie selfie. Need to lose more of that extra weight and baggage I carry around my waist, ie. the bellyyy. Not easy though, not easy. Gaining almost 10kg in a year and trying to lose it ASAP is hard.

BUT WE STONK! WOOOOH

Dedication, commitment, perseverence, motivation, brah.

To demonstrate I stonk..

I wore my Arc Festival of Sports singlet to play frisbee on the VG and even throughout music practise today! While it was 18 degrees outside and the wind was blowing. :D

STONK. THAT'S HOW WE DO IT.

UNSW Vilage Green. Sunny, rainless skies and fields are so wonderful for Frisbee. :)

So thankful that we got to play after two weeks of no training at all!

The weather has been erractic lately. And super colddddd.

...

Church sermon and music today was really good. Challenged the listeners to really think about the motives of our hearts.

Freedom within the bounds of God's law is true freedom. Because it is freedom to live the way we were meant to live - as God's creation: To glorify, please and honour God ultimately.

Learnt about greed, and how it is indeed in many ways, the root of much evil a lot of times.

Which ties in with what Ji Chuen and I were discussing a few days back. :)

Test on Tuesday. Let's go!

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GOD is in control, 8:16 PM.

Had a good start today.

Breakfast with Sarah at 22 Grams Cafe near our place. :)

It's so convenient that Randwick has so many nice cafes which make you feel relatively atas. :p

Sarah with her Mocha and banana bread.

Coffee always reminds us of Brandon.

Tried their Chai Latte. Quite liking their rosetta art on his one.

Not bad. Pretty savoury and I could taste the cinammon with a hint of honey. :)

Selfie to commemorate this experience!

Definitely looking forward to more little catch up/chilling sessions with my girls at other cafes around the area.

Ah, still hoping to be able to go to Melbourne with the gang!

Maybe a fancy dinner sometime?

Yes, I like to dress up too hehe.

Guess there is a part of me that likes to go out on fancy dates.

Which ties in with the fact that I like romantic guys and the sweet gestures they make.

Anyway, sidetracking..

Guess what I did today? I slept. for 5+ hours in the afternoon. And now I'm tired again. Oh goodness.

The weather has been pretty gloomy these past few days.

Which caused the Social Sports Competition matches to be cancelled today.

Which allowed me to sleep longer and bum more YAY.

^ What's newwwww. :D

What is 'Good morning' if said without meaning it?

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GOD is in control, 1:58 AM.

I just realised and faced the fact that I cannot control my feelings towards someone, even if I know what the logical course of action is, and I know intellectually what's right or wrong.

I thought that knowing that Weng Yee and I couldn't be together meant that I could stop loving him romantically, and I would only focus on sacrificial love.

Guess I just was afraid to admit it? Maybe it was because I believed that allowing myself to hold on to him meant that I couldn't open my heart to someone else. And that's true by far. But it's not that I am purposely holding on now. I have tried so hard, so many times over the years to let go, to give up. But I guess I won't fight it anymore. It's not wrong to love him. But I shan't act upon it.

I just understood that

"What the mind knows, the heart doesn't necessarily follow."

I still love Weng Yee.
Romantically.

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GOD is in control, 3:05 AM.

Sometimes I feel like I'm blogging for the sake of other people. If no one (that I knew of) visited this blog, then I wouldn't worry or be too concerned about updating my blog regularly. And I can just type out whatever's on my mind without worrying about other people judging me.

But ah well, not like I'm superrrr worried also. :p
So, sorry lah hehe

This brain dumping and random stating of anything that comes to mind is not always helpful.

..

Might do a song analysis one day. Like analysing the lyrics of a song. Sometimes however, people like to leave it open-ended, abstract and open to interpretation. Which could work.

There's another end of the spectrum though, when people just say: You shouldn't read too much into the song lyrics! Just take them as they are! Why think so much? STOP OVERTHINKING.

Ohmygoodness, don't get me wrong, I love my Sensing friends, but when they tell us iNtuitive people to STOP OVERTHINKING or NOT TO OVERREAD things (lyrics, people's motives etc.) walao weih, sometimes I do get a bit discouraged and disappointed.

If nobody in this world asked 'What if?' and explored all the possibilities possible, I think inventions would take much longer times to come about.

But you can't really change how people absorb data right? Or can you.
Not too sure about that though.

Random post of the day, hey.

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GOD is in control, 11:28 PM.

:')

I am honestly super touched and honoured that Mesha remembered me and what more dedicated the champion title to both Eulene and me.

I never knew one could have such influence on a person, that she thought of us in every game and wanted to make us proud.

I feel like a parent who is super proud of her child's amazing performance.

Having said that, I definitely know the feeling of wanting to make my own parents proud of me, so that they wouldn't feel as though they've been disappointed or wasted their time and effort on me.

I can understand what it means to be a parent in some way now.

Even if Mesha and the team hadn't won, I would've been extremely proud of her nonetheless.

Proud of her beautiful character, her leadership, her humility (something I've always admired in her) and her effort and fighting spirit in all that she does.

Reflecting upon it, I realise how the results of the game or the specific activity doesn't matter that much afterall. What I'm really glad and proud of is the fact that she didn't give up, and that she didn't claim all the glory for herself, but rather thanked her teammates, her coaches and her ex-captains (even when we didn't do that much this year).

It may seem very selfish and individualistic, but I believe that as a parent, I would be very touched and glad if my child displayed due gratitude and thanked the respective parties involved for the encouragement and support given in his/her undertakings.

If my child had given her very best, her blood, sweat and tears on court, I would definitely be proud of her. If she had won, I would rejoice with her, and cry tears of joy. If she had lost, I would cry and mourn with her as it is natural for someone who worked hard and wanted it bad enough.

But knowing she had given her 110%, I wouldn't be disappointed with her at all. Rather, if after losing she kept her head high and remained strong for the team amidst the tears, I couldn't be less proud of her. :)

In this case, her effort was greatly reflected in the results. I know that God was in control and she herself realised that the win wasn't all her own work, but ultimately it was God's.

Congratulations once again, my dear Mesha and BJ BAHAYA girls' team class of 2014!

Know that I am very, very proud of you and even though Mesha didn't need to prove anything, she showed me and everyone in KFSPP 2014 that she was capable of leading the team, and she earned the title of Captain.

You may say that I'm your inspiration, but you truly are mine too.

A team sport is won by the team, not a single individual; but the Captain should be the core, the glue that binds the team and holds it together even tighter in the toughest of times.

You have done well, Mesha. Bringing back the Gold to BJ's name couldn't have been done in a more triumphant manner.

I love you! :)

.....

And just yesterday, my dear Eulene wrote a loving and sweet blogpost remembering her struggle and support during KFSPP 2012.

I don't specifically remember the details, but I remember the outcome of the match and your reactions. I remember how I myself felt back in 2011, when I led the BJ BAHAYA girls and we lost badly to CGL.

You were there for me when I didn't have anyone to cry on.

You were there when I felt like I had failed the team, the coaches and our supporters.

You were there when I needed help getting back up on my feet.

If I had to be strong for the whole team, though we were both devastated by the results and barely able to face reality, you were strong for me.

I didn't console and support you in 2012 only as a favour to repay your kindness to me, but I did it because I know how you felt as a captain and more importantly, because I cared for you.

You were always one of my closest friends, and I knew that floorball wasn't one of your big passions.

I knew how tough it was to lead the team, and how you didn't want to have the burden placed on your shoulders in the first place.

But you were strong and you stepped up to the role. And I was proud of you for being an inspiration to your girls.

As someone who had been in a similar situation before, if I could, I would guide and stand by each new captain every step of the way.

It's a big responsibility and many times, when captains appear to be tough in facing challenges, they're human too. We need someone to be strong when we can't be strong.

So thank you, Eulene. Not only for supporting me in 2011, but also for being my friend and shoulder to lean on when I couldn't support the weight of my responsibilities in many other areas.

I love you too. :)

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GOD is in control, 3:30 PM.

Lazy Monday. (Seriously which day is not lazy for me?! Le sigh)

Felt like vaining yesterday because mua wore a dress eventhough it was pretty cold. Hah

Had dinner with them good ol' folks at Eugene's last night! :)

Great company.

Amazing food. Really, really good. :D

So blessed WOOT.

Love my baby Tricia! :*

Hang in there, and keep your chin up! :)

It will get better.

Beef Nasi Lemak from Petaling Street!

Malaysian food craving satisfied.. Temporarily hehe

My homemade Mackerel porridge looks dull in comparison. Hm

But it tasted good nonetheless!

Affogato at Stephen's during Bible Study. :)

Tiramisu with coffee liquor to celebrate Stephen's birthday! Super nice and rich cake (Y)

Thanks Yoke Foong for all the effort put into making it!

On a more serious, wordy, non-picture note;

I have to start focusing. So much work to do.

Here I am trying to procrastinate and run away from my problems/fears/work.

I should start facing them. HEAD ON.

Thanking God every day for being gracious in saving us!

Salvation is here.

Side note:

Felt like doing a random cover before I took a nap yesterday HAHA

All of Me.

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GOD is in control, 12:36 PM.

I guitar-ed today. Finger paining now. :(

HAHA

This poor boy. Up at almost 4am in the morning, searching up on phones to help a friend.

We both have so much work to do!

Ahh, I'm just feeling really lazy to actually start doing work/study.

Lazy to cook.

Lazy to hang out with people.

Saturday is an 'alone time' day. :)

Chilling because I need some rest too.

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GOD is in control, 2:53 PM.

TGIF TGIF TGIF.

That's what people say cause they be lookin' forward to tha' weekend.
But my Fridays are crazy packed. Today, particularly.

My schedule:

8.00am: Morning call to wake up. Resist. Go back to sleep lol
8.25am: Drag myself out of bed. Micro Skype while eating breakfast and preparing for class
8.50am: Finally get out of the house and rush to lecture while half Skyping and walking to class through uni (what in the world)
9am - 11am: GENT0508 Music and Psychology Lecture
11am - 1pm: ECON2206 Introductory Econometrics Lecture
1pm - 2pm: Come home and mini Skype
2pm - 3pm: GENT0508 Listening Lounge Tutorial
3pm - 4pm: Meet up one-on-one with Mags to read and discuss 'Guidance and the Voice of God' book
4pm - 5.30pm: MARK1012 Group Project Discussion
5.30pm - 6.30pm: Come home and cook dinner for Qiu Ning and myself.
6.30pm - 7.00pm: Walk down to church office to get Bible study outlines
7.00pm - 11.00pm: Dinner, Stephen's surprise birthday celebration and Bible Study! :)
11.00pm - 12.am: Come home. Finally Shower.

And here I am blogging.
I am SO. DEAD. TIRED.

Above was the detailed account of my day. If you analyse it and look closely, you'll realise that I really only had a little bit more than 2 hours of rest the whole day from 9am to 11pm.

I can't even imagine it.

DID I FORGET TO STATE THAT I SLEPT AT 3.30AM THE NIGHT BEFORE. SO YEAH

And need I mention...
While in my GENT0508 lecture, in the second half, Ji tries to Skype me to ask for help with his project.
And continuing on in the ECON2206 lecture, I half Skyped, half listened to my lecturer talk about Confidence Intervals, Critical Values, P-Values and F-Values.

Not complaining. But I am really tired haha.

I thank God for sustaining me today and helping me remember Him in so many instances throughout the day. I was so encouraged in the morning, Whatsapping Mae-Ann, meeting up with Mags to discuss God's plan and His word, and especially during Bible Study. :) I am so blessed and thankful!

I don't think I will choose Saturday as my rest day beause I have too many non-uniwork activities going on on Sunday. Hence, I will definitely take it slow tomorrow, but the plan is to study through the day. No procrastination; Microeconomics 2, here we go!

Sunday this week will be my rest day from work. It will be a time of meeting up with God's people, having good conversations over lunch, resting at home after, Frisbee training for SSA competition in the evening and then dinner party at Eugene's place later in the night.

Now I'm wondering whether I should go for sunrise tomorrow at Coogee. Hopefully it doesn't rain, I would really love to catch the sunrise tomorrow with Sarah. :) Even if Saturday is not my rest day, it just means sunrise + work tomorrow.
Just before Daylight Savings ends and sunrise is an hour earlier. I can't wake up any earlier for it. :O

...

The issues regarding relationships in general and a specific romantic relationship have been playing on my mind.

For now I'm very content and frankly too drained and tired to be involved in any romantic relationship. But I know God has planned everything out. His timing is always perfect.

I will wait for that someone patiently. And I trust that God will provide him when the time is right. Or if at all I am to find 'the one'. I trust God nonetheless.

Thanking God for all the relationships I have in my life right now. So thankful that Claire and I managed to meet up yesterday and catch up, chill and just be ourselves around each other.

Mae-Ann is a wonderful bestfriend. ♥
Ji Chuen is someone I look forward to talking to and seeing almost every day. Even if it's virtual.
Qiu Ning my roommate is also a blessing. So glad that I can communicate with her well and serve her in the opportunities God has provided me with.

I am honestly glad that God has been so faithful and has kept me in the palm of His strong and mighty hand all this while. Please continue to keep me and draw my heart closer to Yours, LORD.

So tired. Going to crash soon eventhough I really wish I could get some work done.

Because I'm waking up at 6am to catch sunrise tomorrow. :O

Goodnight, people.

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GOD is in control, 12:57 AM.

What we did today...